Thursday, November 7, 2013

“Ma’am…ma’am! You left your Bag ‘o Crazy in the cart!”

A quick trip to the market after work...

Hmm, what’s on the list? A box of Frazzled.

I thought I was in for some smooth shopping when I saw one of those car-carts The Baby loves waiting near the door as we walked in. Even though maneuvering those suckers makes me feel like I need a CDL, I’m cool with ‘em. I’ll search all over the store and parking lot and don’t care how many carts I have to pull out to get to one. If it allows me to shop in peace, I’ll push that Ford Focus all around the store!

“Mommy, go baff-room.”

“You have to go to the bathroom?” She nodded. She’s potty-training, so this could be a hit or miss.

I whipped around pallets and display stands (what IS all of this stuff?) and down-shifted my 18-wheeler to a rolling stop. I ran in the restroom, yanked off her coat, grabbed the seat liner, and plopped her down…

…she hopped right back off. “Don’t have to.” Miss.

I’ve never had the chance to catch a chicken or pig, but scurrying around behind The Baby (in 3-inch-heels!) to get her to wash her hands had to be close. I finally caught her and after some bumping and scrambling, stuffed her back into the cart.

Frazzled…check. Let’s see…a ½ gallon of Wacky.

I almost had everything when I just happened to look down. Do you know that scene from Marley & Me when Marley is hanging out of the car window and running on the street with his front paws while the car is moving?

My kid was Marley. Jeez, really? I don’t even know how long she’d been doing it or how she managed to not topple out. I repositioned her back into the car and we were off again.

Would you mind bagging that Craziness separately? Thank you!

We checked out and since I only had two light bags I decided to leave the cart where we found it.

“Looks like you need more hands,” a lady says to me as I lifted the bags out of the cart. What? Pfft. Lady, don’t let the bewildered look on this face fool you. I’m a pro-Mommer. I’ve got this.

Bags in right hand, purse slung over my shoulder, The Baby’s hand in my left. This is where I would redeem myself. At Mommy U I majored in carrying multiple things at one time. Chin up. Watch and be amazed people, I thought to myself as I strutted through the parking lot.

Then, the belt around my waist unhooked, leaving me looking all shades of crazy as I scooted, half-ran, and tugged The Baby along with my elbows glued to my side. I was going for the “Oh, we're just having fun!” look, but I don’t think it worked. I wanted to tell the other shoppers who encountered this befuddled person to not judge my mom skills by this incident alone.

Later that night, I carried a pair of boots, a pair of shoes, two coats, my purse, and The Baby up the the same time.

*poses at the top of the stairs like a champ...snaps...and walks off*

1 comment:

  1. Love it! The scenes you described sound so familiar, think I've been there before. If you want some crazy, go to the grocery store after 5 pm in the afternoon. Moms are like octopuses, the ability to carry so many things at one time. You should see me getting out of the car, carrying all of my stuff and some of my daughter's, simply because I don't want to make a trip back to the car!