Wednesday, September 25, 2013

A Scheduled Affair

Shh...please don't tell. If you had told me a few months ago I was about to cross that line with someone new...well...

* affair? she's so tawdry! ...whisper...pss*

I'm gettin' it on with a Schedule.

Yeah, I strung you along. Sheesh, y'all sure do like some dirt around here! Hmph. *looking at you sideways*

As I was saying. Girls, when you marry an Uber Planner his pen will ultimately feel up your calendar. But, his frisky pen can't take all of the credit. Officially wrapping up Crazy New Momma: The Sequel (that first year and a half packs a wallop doesn't it?) played a part, too.

Since I had my sanity back, I figured it was time for me to stop fakin' like I was makin' it and really get it together.

Enter the dinner schedule.

I cook two meals. Dinner 1 is for Sunday. It's usually fancier than the rest and if I'm really feeling spunky I throw in a dessert, too. Yeah, all the other dinners are probably jealous of her hotness and awesomeness.

Dinner 2 is for Thursday and gets guarded. Seriously. I'm thinking of adopting a Pit Bull. They always want to eat that for Sunday's dinner. I guess she's not so hot afterall, huh? To keep their hungry fingers away from Thursday's dinner I wrap that sucker up tighter than a Christmas present and toss it in the freezer before they see it.

*blows off spatula*

Leftovers from Dinner 1.

A quickie. As in 30 minutes, tops. (Totally ignoring your guttery minds) Example: Sloppy Joes, Pigs in a Blanket, cheesesteaks. And for the Healthy Brigade pointing their carrot sticks at me, I'm not worried about you being all up in our cholesterol. This is Survival of the Mommiest, I'm on a mission.

Leftovers from Tuesday.

Dinner 2 from Sunday gets all hot and bothered in the oven while I ignore that bottle of wine singing, "...blurred lines! You know you want it."

Leftovers from Thursday.

"You better go in the fridge and see what's left," in my Momma Ain't Playin' Voice.

9, 10...let's do it again!

*tosses apron and exits Stage Left*

Fess up, girl! Are you having a scheduled tawdry affair? I'd love to hear about it. (I'm nosy like that)