Sunday, August 11, 2013

X-Mom Adventures: Not Two Much for X-Mom

I should've KNOWN the way The Baby entered this world that she would be a hot mess! (If you don't know, check out the two links below to catch up).

But, we moms are good at blocking out the havoc our kids create in the past.

The Beast, uh-I mean, The Baby turned two last month and still has birthday cake crumbs behind her ears. And boy is she gettin her Terrible Two's in! This little chick is walking around like she's up for an Oscar nomination for the role of The Brat.

Whining about everything, telling people, "No!" and "It's mine!", and acting like hard-headed is a sport. Got me thinking like 2 Chainz, "This one's different...yeah, this one's different." (I don't even listen to 2 Chainz...see what kids will make you do!)

Not in my house! I've got to step up my Mommy Game.

It's not extreme, yet, but this kid...wooo wee! We need an intervention and fast. And of course, my mom says, "Well, she just turned two."  

By the way...what is it with grandparents and their "Leave that baby alone" thinking? Did they not raise us? Our kids aren't new mystical beings to be ooh-ed and ahh-ed at with a look-but-don't-touch kind of thinking. They are not that cute! And like someone once told me: "Yeah, keep on thinking 'Aw, they're just being kids.' When she steals your car out of your yard, don't come calling me."

Sorry...tangent. Back to what I was saying...

We went to Red Lobster and The Baby was that kid in the restaurant. Banging the salt and pepper shakers on the table. Drumming forks on the plate like she mixing beats for Timberland. Whining and crying. Sugar packets all on the floor. Sliding out of the booster seat. Trying to climb out of the booth while saying, "I weady to go."

And The Kid didn't miss a beat. She whipped out her iPod and hit the shutter button like the Paparazzi, capturing the embarassment. 

X-Mom was shooting telepathic covered fireballs through her eyes saying, "Sitting over there acting like you ain't got no home training--you don't--but these people don't know that!"

She wanted to fly across the table with her hand raised, like Rickey Smiley talking about Precious and her grandma, saying, "Shut yo aaassss up!"

Oh, okay. We showing off like that? A few minutes ago, you sitting up there, all prim and proper, eating pieces of biscuit with a fork; baiting us in. Ten seconds later you morph into Lil Miss 'Bout to Get Her Head Taken Slam Off!'

She set us up.

Ten very, very deep breaths later X-Mom returned to her home and put Mommy back in charge. On a scale of 1-10: 1 being 'My Kid Makes Angels Jealous' and 10 being 'This Kid Gone Send Me to Jail' she was about a 4. So, it actually wasn't that bad. It could've been worse. 

Hold up. She's over there all snuggled up under Hubs and trying to erase his memory of the restaurant with her cuteness. He's weak! I've gotta go. 

X-Mom just showed up with an Anti-Cuteness Shield. Hmph...The Baby reign is over.

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