Monday, August 19, 2013

Pick-up Lines to Put Down

Okay, ladies. I know I’ve been talking a lot about you lately, so let’s turn the tables. I’m an equal opportunity kind of blogger. Guys, this is for you. The following pick-up lines need to be put down.
Hey, HEY! *Beep Beep*
Guys if you see a fine specimen walking down the sidewalk, do not—that’s NOT—blow the friggin’ horn at her. I’m not sure what is trying to be accomplished by doing this and why you feel a complimentary beep is needed to do it. But, she’s not going to appreciate being scared out of her pumps by some fool blasting the horn at her.

Psst…Psst…Yo!  Let Me Holla at You Real Quick
Because this has different variations it's the Baskin Robbins of pick-up lines--31 Flavors of Foolishness. I’m not even going to dignify this nonsense. The answer is no.

Um, Excuse Me. I Hope You Don’t Think I’m Being Bold, But What is Your Name?
AGGHHHHH! Run!!!!!! Wait, that only happened to me. Sorry. Blast from my past. Moving on.

Are You Married? (Yes) Happily?
Okay, this started off respectful and slid down the slippery slope of BS after that. And I’ve always wondered about that one. If she wasn't happily married, does that mean you'd still try and date her? Wouldn’t that make her a cheater? So, you’re okay with cheaters? Hmm…

Sidenote: You must've never had a husband show up at your house like the Tooth Fairy, waiting to collect your teeth with his fist. If you did, you'd bury this line--quickly.

Do you have a boyfriend? (Yes) So. I've Got a Girl, Too. But She Ain't Acting Right.
Way, to rack up brownie points buddy. *giant eye roll* How does you complaining (wait, let's just call it what it is--lying) about your girlfriend help your sorry case? 

Feel that breeze? It's from all of the red flags waving. Let's count them shall we? (1) You're disrespectful to your girlfriend (2) You're a cheater (3) You're a liar (4) You're stupid (5) You think the girl you're trying to pull is stupid (6) See all of the above. 

Smile. You’re Too Pretty to Frown
If this pops into your head...let it stay there. All this gets is a “What in the hell are you talking about?” look. And by the way, what person do you know walks around all day with a grin plastered on her face? If she did, I assure you she’d look just as crazy as you did when you said that line.

I know there are others and these are probably a few of the cleanest ones girls have heard.

Guys, if she's worth your time don't use a lame pick-up line.


  1. "I hope I don't offend you with what I'm 'bout to say"...why would you say anything if you think that I MIGHT be offended? Ugh!

    They need father figures...