Tuesday, January 8, 2013

X-Mom Adventures: The Kid Saves Wonder Woman

The Kid has been a Wonder Woman fan ever since we found a vintage T-shirt (I was actually buying it for myself) at a thrift store roughly five years ago. However, her visibility/popularity is not as much of a demand as other superheroes and finding merchandise can be tricky. The entire world pauses when we see anything Wonder Woman-y. Imagine our surprise when we found a Wonder Woman coffee tumbler in Walmart! The Kid fainted, recovered, and sprinted towards the shelf.

I really wanted it and my Caramel Macchiato needed it. I visualized myself walking down the sidewalk and thinking, "Yeah, you want one," as people stared and wondered where I found it. I was going to hold it in a way so the WW symbol turned outwards and everyone would know I had Wonder Woman coffee. It's a thermos, grown-up style.

"I can put my water in it," she said, throwing a rock straight through my dream bubble and shattering it like glass. She wasn't getting it for me? I thought this was for my benefit. I drink coffee every morning and duh, it's a coffee tumbler. And she only wants to put water in it? Gasp. How silly of me not to remember she gets first dibs and I have to deal with whatever massacred bits remain after the survival of a 10-year-old.

Not this time. I backed away from the T-shirt and I conceded with the Wonder Woman wallet, even though she had ZERO money to put in it. And she eventually lost it. I confiscated the tote bag after she tired of it. No. I was calling shotgun. That tumbler was mine!

"We'll get two." I said, snatching a second one from the shelf. Then, Sensability parachuted in disguised as my mother, who happened to be with us.

"You're getting one, too? Why are you getting two of the same thing?" Dang it Mom! She had a point. I looked at the Spiderman and Superman (or Supergirl) cups reluctantly. Batman was a possibility, but none of them had the same appeal. I sighed and let her have Wonder Woman. Again.

Later that day as I sat on the couch I saw something falling down the stairs. The Kid. As my child tumbled, literally in front of my eyes, down The 16 Steps of Wooded Doom X-Mom launched into action. The whole time I thought, "She can't stop! She's going to fall to the bottom! Catch her, catch her!"

I zoomed towards the stairs with the intent of throwing myself at her to break the fall, but she had managed to stop a few steps from the bottom. I hovered over her in a panic as she lay sprawled across the steps tightly clutching the Wonder Woman cup. I wanted to burst into tears as I asked her was she okay. She said yes and I quickly pulled her to me to hug her, wishing she wasn't almost as tall as me so I could scoop her up and hold on tighter.

My heart felt heavy as it thudded in my chest and I waited for the panic to return to its rightful corner. I told her she had filled her quota of scaring the crap out of me for the month and wasn't allowed to do it again until February.

I asked her what she was thinking as she was falling and she said, "Please don't break my cup." Then, "Please don't break anything else."

Okay, she deserved the cup more than me because if it were my decision, the coffee tumbler would have lived up to its name. Right to the bottom of the stairs. A trip to the ER versus that cup? I promise you X-Mom would not have saved Wonder Woman.

(confession...I brought a 2nd Wonder Woman cup)