Wednesday, December 21, 2011

The S-Word

The Hubs and I have a problem.  It's the S-word.  We used to do it ALL the time before the baby came.  (Yes, she arrived in all of her cuteness on July 21, 2011 at 5:53 pm.  Buh-lieve me, THAT's another story for another day)  Now that we're Post-Baby Mode we first have to find the time to do it and when we do it's never long enough, deep enough, or satisfying enough.  Of course Hubs keeps telling me he's okay with it and it's enough for him.  But, I know that's not true and he's just trying to pull up his Superman Underoos and save face. 

Take last night, for example.  It's the middle of the night and we're in bed: 

"Baby?" He whispers softly to me.
"Hmm." I answered huskily.
"Baby?" He whispers again as his lips come closer.
"You're on the edge of the bed.  Be careful, you're about to fall off."

I wasn't even remotely close to the edge.  But, that's how I know he's not getting enough.  Only sleep deprivation (**hee-hee** you thought I was talking about sex, didn't you?) would make him suddenly burst through the Forest of Dreams to "rescue" me from the Floor Monster.  Twice.  Yes, he had executed the same exact mission the night before.  But, this damsel was NOT amused.

Of course he has no recollection of either of the heroic acts.  He "rescued" himself from embarassment.  Yay, him!  Personally, I'd prefer for him to forget to do it in the first place.  Sleep wasn't exactly my BFF the last three months of my pregnancy.  Tack on two months of the new baby thing and you've got a momma who's coasting on the fumes of delirium...

Okay.  I started this post in September and completely forgot about it.  I've been battling a serious case of Postnatal Forgetitis (I've named it) that I'm positive is a side effect of sleep deprivation.  People's advice to me?  Write a list.  Golly wow, that's good stuff!  Wait, hold on a sec...

Sorry.  I rolled my eyes so hard they propelled out of their sockets and I had to retrieve them from across the room.  If I could remember what to put on the list, then remember to write it down, then remember to remember where I put the list then thumbs up.  Sheesh, some advice should be called assvice because that's where some people need to stick theirs.  Anyway, I realized this post was "lost" and decided to leave it as-is and insert an update.

December 20, 2011
I'd like to say that The Baby is sleeping through the night (she'll be 5-months-old tomorrow)...**insert crickets sound** 

I'm not sure what I did to make Mr. Sandman skip my house, but I'd LOVE to know.  Name your price Z-Man.  Glass of warm milk?  A new sleep cap?  Someone to carry your bag of Sleeping Dust?  Oo, oo pick me, pick me!  I'll be your Dust Caddy.  Just please, please, PLEASE put my house back on your route tonight. 

December 21, 2011
**sigh** Anyone know if The Sandman accepts cash?

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