Thursday, July 29, 2010

Hello Cheeky

So, I was shopping yesterday—uh , I mean conducting research for a potential project—and I saw a cute pair of shorts. I picked them up, but they were too short. The entire rack was too short. As a matter of fact, majority of the shorts and skirts occupying the stores now are too short.  Did we suddenly get the urge to audition for a Nair commercial? Or, did Hookers ‘R Us suddenly become the distribution hub for clothing. Is it me or is something amiss?

Skirts skim butt cheeks and some shorts actually show the cheeks. It’s like we've all been inducted into the Raunch Society. Personally, I think there are only a few instances where such shortness is appropriate. The list includes, but is not limited to, strippers, hookers, singers, models, actresses, athletes, photo shoots, and costumes.  (Mental Note:  The fact that attire for strippers or hookers can be included in the same category as an athlete is...interesting)

Many of us are not in any of these categories.  So, why do some designers feel the need to fill up the racks with this stuff? Or better yet, why do we buy them? Let’s face it. Some of us don’t need to be in such a hurry to show off legs that haven’t seen the gym since the 6th grade. And I certainly don’t want to make that observation while you’re bent over trying to grab fish sticks from the back of the grocery store freezer. Please spare me. I’m not showing mine, so don’t show me yours.

I know as women we always struggle with the whole too much/not enough skin thing. But, seriously some of the shorts/skirts out now are borderline, “Dude. WTF?” Again I ask. Is it me?

You know what? I think it really is me. I can remember in my early twenties I thought, the shorter the hotter. And I’m embarrassed to say, I have played Peek-A-Cheek before. We all have. And now that I think of it, short shorts/skirts have always been in stores and I haven’t been offended. So, this means only one thing. Ms. Petunia Prudepants has moved in.

Who let her in? It certainly wasn’t me. It could have been Sensibility. Although, I can’t picture her needing any help on the intimidation front. She is the intimidation front. Petunia is wedged somewhere between “Granny” and “Ew” on the P.Y.T. list. I’m sure Style Duchess would hang herself with a cashmere scarf before summoning Petunia in all her stuffy glory. And FBB? Really. So, that leaves Grown & Sexy. It could be a plot to gang up on P.Y.T. Those two are always going at it. But, I really can’t see that, either.

Maybe it was none of the above. It’s possible it wasn’t intentional. She could have come disguised as the Avon Lady or after a certain amount of birthdays maybe she automatically comes with the candles. I don’t know. I admit I am too old for the slut look, but I’m not old enough for prude.

The way I see it I have two choices. I can take Denial out for a spin, but she may want to pick up Delusional and I don’t have time to play with them right now. Or, I can play the perfect hostess to Petunia and bring her some lemonade. With vodka ice cubes.

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