Thursday, July 22, 2010

Chips Ahoy!

It’s been a week or two since your pedicure and your toes are still looking fierce. Neon pink polish (hot!) and no chips in sight. Yes! You can make it one more week before you hop back in the chair.

Then, you catch your foot on the coffee table or the door. In my case it was the brake pedal of my car. Brake pedal…really? How is that possible? And of all toes it's the big one.  

You instantly freeze because you’re afraid to look down. If the polish survived an attack like that it would be a miracle.  Or, the polish was made from liquid armor.

You take a deep breath and slide your eyes down to take a peek. The polish is gone taking a chunk of the nail with it as a souvenir.  You search for the broken piece to place it back on your toe. Why?  Because sanity has taken a coffee break and it's the only thing you can manage at that point.  You carefully match up the jagged edges to remember how fabulous your toes used to look.

You silently mourn your perfect pedi. You shed a tear for all the colors you already had in the line-up. The neon green you’ve psyched yourself up to try because you were too chicken before. There was that pretty blue that reminded you of Caribbean waters and of course the sexy candy apple red. All gone and never to return until next summer.
Then it hits you. You can clip the rest of the nail down close enough to the broken part! There’s still a chance! You immediately speed home.

As soon as you open your door you go into rescue mode and set up headquarters for Operation Pedi-Coat in the bathroom. You kick your shoes off to maximize balance and hike your foot up on the toilet. You pick up the clipper, take a deep breath, and say to the shower curtain, “I’m going in.”

You clip slivers off nice and gently because it’s vital to preserve as much of the polish as possible. It’s already looking better. You get so excited you almost topple over, but you quickly regain composure.

As you continue to clip it becomes painfully obvious you’re running out of nail. Your heart starts to race because you realize the nail broke off into the meat. Anymore clipping and not only is your toe going to jump up and jab you in the eye, but you’ll need stitches.

The nail salon is not going to be able to fix it either. Sadly, you realize the soldier could not be saved. Your only option is to wait for reinforcements—the nail growing back. But, there’s only one month left in the summer and your nail is not going to grow back in time. You’re pretty much screwed, so you’ll have to make do with the situation at hand.

You can (A) get a boring light color so the chip will be less obvious, (B) get a fake toenail, (C) stand with your toes curled under, or (D) wear closed toe shoes for the rest of the summer.

Let’s examine the choices. Okay, (C) is only reserved for gymnasts and gorillas.  If you're not swinging from vines or back-flipping on a balance beam keep it moving.  (B) is not exactly necessary because your situation is not that serious. It’s just the corner and not the entire nail. Plus, let’s be honest…it’s freaking weird. (D) is doable, but it’s hotter than a hooker's underwear outside and do you really want your feet kayaking around in a pool of sweat? So, (A) it is. Personally, I’m going with option (E), getting black polish so I can color in the missing piece with a Sharpie.

The things we women do to preserve our cuteness.

P.S.--I really hate that friggin' chipped toe...

1 comment:

  1. I think I loved this blog the most from beginning to end!!!