I don't know, but I've been told
This here body's gettin' old
Gonna whip it back into shape
Got lipo in the morning at eight!
I finished the 21 day bootcamp program on Saturday, so I'd figured I'd dish the skinny. After the first day my arms hissed at me like a rabid cat for 4 days straight. I was in pain! I've never felt such pain after working out. Then again, I've never done a jillion push ups either. My muscles from my shoulder to my elbow were wound tighter than a pair of Spanx. Every time I moved my arm I was afraid my fists were going to turn around and jab me in the face while singing, "Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee."
Of course, it was partly my fault because I started off thinking I was G.I. Jane and did push ups like the big boys. After about 10 of them I dropped to my knees like the girl I am. And that's how I did them for the rest of the program. I have no shame.
I was supposed to have gone to 11 classes, but I missed 2 because I had very pressing appointments--ahem, hair--to go to. I'm sorry, this weather and my hair are enemies. Seriously, is Earth going through a mid-life crisis? I could have sworn I lived on the East coast and not 3 feet from the equator. Anyway, if I don't keep up with my appointments my hair frizzes up like Simba. Besides not knowing all the words to Circle of Life, I'm not a raw meat type of chick. And it's just not cute, well maybe for Disney it is, but for me? Not so much.
But, this program works because after only 9 classes my six-pack is coming back. If I suck it in real tight and stand at precisely the right angle, it really looks like I'm working with something. And my thighs and arms are toner than what they were. But, my butt is still holding on to the back of my thighs for dear life. Even after 500 squats! Jeez, it needs to let it go.
I guess misery loves company because the thighs are still Dimple City, but there are a few less potholes on the street. So, more work needs to be done.
Sadly, I won't be able to continue the program--as much as I'd love to--because the price was just an introductory type thing. I would have to shell out like $78 more a month. Um, no thanks for 2 reasons. (1) It's cutting into my shoe fund and (2) it's cutting into my shoe fund. Really. Fall is coming and that means boots. Priorities, people.
So, my theory is that I can do the same bootcamp stuff on my own. I've made progress and I don't want to lose it. If I can get up at 5 a.m. and pay someone $52 to whip me into shape, I can do it myself. And expand my shoe portfolio. See? I win, the bod wins, and my closet wins.
My goal is to get back to G.I. Jane push ups. One-handed. Now, that's a tough chick. Okay. G.I. Jane may be a bit of a stretch for me being I'd wear stilettos with my fatigue pants. I'm more like Combat Barbie. But, I can live with that.